The word ‘provoke’ , it feels short and not so impactful, but okay-ish for the title. Yes, this time it is the real thing. I won’t waste any more time but I will get straight to the point. The situation, which put me direct into the business line when I was helpless 2 years back, that situation is coming back.

That horror situation, which gave me chills with nightmares, that provocative thing that lingers in my mind, the ONLY thing I am scared of, is coming back. Nah, this doesn’t feel right. Let me clarify. The situation which forced me to open a business, do something in life, which had me cornered with no one beside me to make my decisions, is coming back but this time with even a stronger pressure.

The ONLY thing in this whole goddamn world that I am scared of, is if something happens to my family. Nobody wants anybody to happen anything to their family, yet I failed to accomplish that. I felt like these two years have been a breakthrough for me since I have learnt so much, lost so much, gained so much and yet, when the real pressure comes, it all goes to shit. Then I look around and see the real scenario, I see what the world looks like. To be honest, world doesn’t scare me.

What scares me right now is that my family is not as strong minded as I am. My mind ain’t much strong either, but at least I learnt how to handle things with patience. But others are not just as like this.

Anyway, to the point, this blog is not that I am getting demotivated with this. I am, because I am getting cornered again, pressure is coming again. That helplessness feeling is coming back, with a stronger pressure this time, much stronger. It makes me feel like I am helpless while making any decision. Yes, this demotivates as well as devastates me. Because in the end, cold war might be back. Ahh, I wish I could do something about this shit, because either way I have so much going on in my life I can’t focus on only one thing. I don’t know if anybody could understand what I want to say, because that’s the consequence of being someone ‘strong’. You are left all alone because no one can understand what you want to say, and in the end you learn how to be strong alone. And this is the point where I tell my thoughts here, all that I learnt in just a sentence.

Everyone must choose one of two types of pain : The pain of discipline or the pain of regret.

The pain comes either way. I had another choice, to be the same. Everybody says that I have changed, but in what aspect? I am still a son, a brother, a friend. In which aspect have I changed exactly? I could have stayed in that form forever, but my friend, everybody has their problems in life which corner them to become someone even stronger. I have been a victim of that storm. Made it out alive, which I really am proud of, if no one else. I shouldn’t expect anyone other than my family to be proud of me, well it’s reality. I jumped from that fuckin mountain down to earth. Because I wished to die, because older me could not handle the overwhelming pressure. But I underestimated God’s plan, even if I jumped I did not die. I did not become strong. I was forced to become strong AFTER when I jumped. Climbed my way from the bottom of the ocean to the top of the mountain just to see the view, and then I realize there is more of the mountains, even bigger ones which I am bound to climb.

I jumped when I was not prepared, and that is what life is all about. Then what I realized was that:

Self Respect has gotta be stronger than your feelings!

I don’t ask for anyone when I want to cry, or when I want to put out my anger, or any favor. Maybe there is something in God’s plan where I am bound to meet someone who will actually help me in this aspect, but well, I am still the same.

Coming to the last part, provoking me. This time, I am not afraid of the storm. That pressure, that horrible nightmares. Let it come, absorb me, break me, shake me, hurt me, then WATCH ME. I ain’t scared shit, I will fuck em all up if it comes around, because provoking the Legendary Baka is a consequence you don’t want to even mistakingly do.

In the end, provoking me is that this situation is provoking me to start up a new business. Even stronger than the current one, even build my empire to the strongest one out there, a competition to behold. Then behold, a billionaire will come without anybody knowing they are left behind and here I stand.

The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do.

Tim Cook