For someone to turn from a hero to a villain, it does not take any time. But once he does, he can never be a hero again. You need to know this, you cannot be a main character in everyone’s life! And in most of the cases, you are the bad guy in their stories. Similarly, when a person is angry, console him and get the anger out. Anger always disturbs the balance between peace and harmony. IF, and I am telling IF, the anger is not quenched, it keeps building inside a person.
Most of the people cannot contain so much anger and they take it out on somebody or something. That is how a person can be stable, psychologically. But there are people, with the qualities of being introverts and full of regrets, who are not able to take it out. And the worst case scenario, they are owners of the business. The worst type of people, lie in this category. Indeed, I am one of them.
They cannot take out their anger on customers since the line: “customers are gods”. They just build it up inside, like a quality of a person. It’s just normal.
But there is a very limited and strong term called Nightmarish Anger. The kind of anger which destroys a human being’s mind, only bearing anger. This usually comes when there are regrets lying so strong in someone’s mind which when met with a nightmare containing that regret, it turns into reality. I have been a victim of this, a few days ago. Things were turned upside down. Things were going Nicely Bad. Because the income was so much at that period, shall I say during this period too, but consuming my mind inside out. It is all because of that nightmare. That dream. That one little bitch. That moment. That mistake.
The nightmare consisted of that girl, whom I have been writing all this time in my early blogs, the one I couldn’t confess to. The girl who ghostly helped build up my empire. She came into my own nightmare. Yeah, ya all must be thinking why am I calling it a nightmare when it could be a sweet ass dream? I cannot explain, but it hurt my soul. That wasn’t a lucid dream, and the things we were doing, that stuff, it reminded me of old days. But the dream wasn’t just that, they consisted my oldest friends, and newest friends, and many others. I should say it was a great dream, but it turned into a nightmare when I relived my own memories inside my own dream. They were just hellish. I wanted to get out of that nightmare as soon as possible, but then the truth struck my heart. In that nightmare alone, I realized many things of my own. And I remember them all correctly.
I was so weak, I could not get out of my own fucking dream. I am weak. Because I couldn’t respect my feelings. I am weak, because I could not face the reality at that time. I am so fucking weak I disrespected my feelings. I was so powerless because she was there and I could do nothing. And I am so powerless even fucking now because I cannot do what my body tells me to. And I am reminded of it again and again and again and again because I feel weak.
It was high time. The nightmare can fuck with my feelings or soul, but one thing it cannot fuck with is my desire and the fire in the soul. I woke up with the term I call ‘Nightmarish Anger’. I could not see the path clearly, yet there was so much on my mind. Anger and only anger, because I saw her in my nightmare and I couldn’t do a thing. It was a nightmare itself in its place. I wanted to punch myself,, being a weak ass person. Was it a breakthrough, or was it just useless passion?
I was at the gym the next day, told everything to my trainer, being a hard-ass as he is, he did not console me. Yet, his words made the fire in my soul so high that I could beat the fucking world down. So not the world, but I crushed my body that day. The PR in the gym was so smooth, because I could not see anything else beside the anger inside of me. The anger was so high that I forgot the reps. So high that I did things until failure. It was a good day at the gym because my anger went out quick, but the long lasting impact is such a mess.
I might be back to normal, but I don’t want to experience that again, because I fear my own anger.
It seems it was true what they were saying: If you are seeking the path of revenge, you must dig up two graves.
Itachi
I feel this line now: When I had nothing and no one, I always had PAIN.
I realized what this nightmare meant. Now I know exactly what it meant. Now I know EXACTLY what it means. And I know what to kill what is inside of me. I cried for days and yet, I did not even begin to tell anybody shit, because if I did, I would have lost the cause of this nightmare. I cry alone, I get up alone, and I succeed alone. I did cry over this, for a day. Because it was unclear to me, what the nightmare consisted her. And now I know, exactly.
I will just say this: wait for me you lil bitch. I will crash your ring ceremony with my Ferrari and your marriage with a fucking Bugatti. And no one will even stop me because whatever magic or sorcery is this, someone did provoke a part of the Legendary Baka, who will not stop to gain what it wants, no mercy. I don’t fold, I make others fold, bitch.